In 1926, H.L. Reese covered a piece of peanut butter candy with chocolate from the factory near his home in Hershey, Pennsylvania. Before long, he developed the world’s first peanut butter cup and opened his own factory, purchasing Hershey chocolate through a close partnership with the company.
Nearly a century later, his great-grandson, Bill Reese, made the decision to end that relationship, citing Hershey’s newfound “wokeness” as the reason.
“It looks like there will be two kinds of candy in America,” said Bill, “woke and regular. We want our candy to be regular, so we’re switching to Nestle chocolate.”
Nestle will cost a bit more because of the shipping necessary from its plant in Morrocco, but ultimately, the two companies hope to have a long and prosperous business arrangement.
Hershey CEO Joe Barron says he wishes he could take back the wokeness decision, but it’s far too late for that. “It looks like we’ll join M&Ms on this one,” he told reporters,” people still need woke s’mores.”
Analysts at Pew Research say the likelihood of Hershey losing its place as the number one chocolate for s’mores is unlikely unless Nestle can quickly develop a chocolate bar. “Morsels don’t work as well with melting marshmallows,” said lead researcher Art Tubolls, “we’ve had several children burn themselves in testing.”
Nestle said it will consider creating a s’mores bar to fill the gap until someone unwoke comes along and buys Hershey. God Bless America.