Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to have a last night on the town.
After a few drinks, they end up at the local brothel.
The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her manager:
“Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed.
These two are so old and drunk, I’m not wasting two of my girls on them. They won’t know the difference.”
The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and take care of their business.
As they are walking home the first man says, As they are walking home the first man says, ‘You know, I think my girl was dead!
‘Dead?’ says his friend, ‘Why do you say that?’
‘Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving her.
‘His friend says, ‘Could be worse I think mine was a witch. ‘A witch ??.. why the hell would you say that?’
‘Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck,
and I gave her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window….. took my teeth with her!’
Two nuns were shopping
Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 store as they passed by the beer cooler,
one nun said to the other, “wouldn’t a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?”
The second nun answered, “indeed it would, sister, but I would not feel comfortable buying beer.
Since I am certain it would cause a scene at the checkout stand.
“I can handle that without a problem” the other nun replied,
and she picked up a six-pack and headed for the check-out the cashier had a surprised look on his face when the two nuns arrived with a six-pack of beer.
“We use beer for washing our hair” the nun said,
“back at our nunnery, we call it shampoo.”
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter, pulled out a package of pretzel sticks, and placed them in the bag with the beer.
He then looked the nun straight in the eye, smiled, and said: “The curlers are on the house.”