A relationship expert, Lori Gottlieb, shared some interesting insights on the best time to tie the knot without worrying about divorce. Gottlieb, a therapist based in Los Angeles, joined Dragons’ Den star Steven Bartlett on The Diary of a CEO podcast to chat about love, dating, and overcoming heartbreak.
Drawing from her own experiences and referencing a study by the Institute of Family Studies, Gottlieb pointed out that there’s a specific age when getting married could be more likely to lead to a lasting relationship. She highlighted this nugget of wisdom from her book, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, which has been a hit on the New York Times bestseller list.
Gottlieb’s advice suggests that there’s a sweet spot in life where saying “I do” could mean a smoother journey without the risk of a messy divorce.
According to the study, the prime age for marriage falls between 25 and 30. It’s found that someone who ties the knot at 25 has more than a 50 percent lower chance of getting divorced compared to someone who gets married at the age of 20.
“It’s obvious about marrying too young, that you don’t have the skills and you’re not established in your own life, you don’t necessarily have the maturity,” she told Steven. “But once you get into your mid to late 20s, it’s an optimal time because you have a better sense of who you are. You know more of what you want and you can grow together as a couple.”
She added, “You are going to have more shared experiences and you are going to know more about each other. Your parents are probably still alive on each side, you can get to know siblings, more integrated into each other’s lives.”
The study also discovered that before reaching the age of 32, every extra year of age lowers the likelihood of divorce by 11 percent. However, after 32, the chances of divorce start to increase by 5 percent for each additional year.
“As you get older you are more set in your ways, you are more rigid, you have different expectations, when you are younger you are more flexible. We get less open minded as we get older around relationships,” she said on the podcast. “We also have a history as we get older, we have more negative experiences of maybe been broken up with. Relationships that didn’t work out then inform the way that we behave in other relationships.”
“We are punishing our current partner for a crime they didn’t commit, so if you were in a relationship before were someone didn’t treat you well, then you are less trusting of the partner you are with. Some people think ”if I have more dating experience then I’m going to be a better partner later on” but it’s harder because you have all this baggage and the other person your age has all this baggage that they are bringing.”
In another conversation, Lori discussed how people nowadays tend to have unrealistic expectations when searching for a partner. She pointed out that many individuals might give up on a potential relationship after just one date because they didn’t feel an immediate “spark.”
However, Lori highlighted an interesting insight: many people in successful long-term relationships didn’t necessarily feel that initial spark on their first date either.
“It’s really interesting that people use the first date as a guide, when people who are in love and attracted to each other often didn’t feel those sparks on the first one, two or three dates, maybe they were even friends for a while,” she said.
“People don’t give eachother the chance, to get to know the other person or let the other person get to know you because they have the allusion, thanks to dating apps, that there are so many more people out there. If you keep juggling people you are never going to get to know anybody and to know if that person is someone you want to be with.”
Lori suggests a simple but important question to ask yourself after a first date: “Did I have a good time?” If the answer is yes, she advises giving it a shot with a second date. It doesn’t have to be a mind-blowing experience; just see what unfolds the second time around.
Lori also mentioned that there are different relationship expectations for men and women. She noted,
“I think for men expectations are mostly built around appearance, for the younger generation especially because they are growing up on these ‘thirst traps’ that are posted on social media that have been filtered. So when they see people in real life they have really unrealistic expectations.”