Everything might seem fine in a relationship until you start noticing some patterns that just don’t feel right. That’s exactly what’s been going on for one of our readers. She’s been married for two years, but her husband’s habit of bending over backwards to please everyone else is causing some serious strain in their relationship. Now she’s thinking about breaking up and reassessing where they stand.
Our reader sent us a message.
Thanks for reaching out. We’re really sorry about what happened, but we’ve got some tips that might come in handy for you.
Find him a therapist.
Your husband might not realize he’s trying to please everyone around him. Point that out and see if he’s willing to change.
If not, you might try therapy as a last resort. A professional can help your husband understand the impact of his actions on your relationship and on himself. He’ll also understand why he feels the need to constantly please others at the expense of your relationship.
Think about your relationship.
If your husband isn’t ready to change his behavior for the sake of your relationship, you might want to reconsider your marriage. Take some time to evaluate whether his behavior is something you can live with long-term. He makes you feel undervalued and neglected in the relationship, so perhaps it’ll be better to find someone who’ll make you feel loved and appreciated.
Try to support him.
If you’re not ready to give up on the relationship, offering your support can go a long way. Just let him know you understand where he’s coming from, even if his actions miss the mark sometimes. Let him know that you’re there for him.
When he makes an effort to change things, give him some encouragement and recognition. Every step, no matter how small, deserves appreciation.
Set boundaries slowly.
When you’re setting boundaries, don’t rush it. Start with the big ones or the ones that are causing the most trouble first. That way, you and your husband can ease into it and make sure the boundaries stick.
Once you both get the hang of it, you can add more over time. Taking it slow like this helps avoid overwhelming anyone and makes it more likely that your boundaries will actually work in the long run.
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