So, here I am, big as a house, waddling around like a penguin on steroids, and what’s the newest plot twist in the soap opera of my life? My mother-in-law, let’s call her Anna, decides she’s gotta sleep in my room after I pop this baby out. Can you believe that?
It came completely out of the blue.
So picture this: I’m sitting on the couch, trying to find a comfortable position with this basketball-sized belly, when Anna busts in like she’s the sheriff of Babytown. «Honey,» she says, all serious-like, «I’ve been thinking. Once that little bundle of joy arrives, I should bunk up with you for a while. You know, just to make sure everything’s okay.»
Everything’s okay? I wanted to scream, «Everything’s not okay if you’re planning to invade my personal space like a nosy neighbor!» But of course, I didn’t say that. I put on my best fake smile and said, «Oh, really? Why’s that?»
Seriously, why would she even say that?
Anna, bless her soul, starts rambling about how she’s worried sick about me being a first-time mom and all. «You’ll need someone experienced around, dear,» she says, patting my hand like I’m some delicate flower.
I exchange a look with my husband, Jake, who’s trying his best to stay neutral in this family feud brewing right in our living room. «Mom,» he says, trying to sound diplomatic, «I think Lisa and I can handle things just fine.»
But Anna’s not having any of it. «Jake, honey, you know I’m just looking out for everyone’s best interest,» she insists, giving him the puppy-dog eyes. «Plus, it’ll give Lisa some extra support while she’s recovering.»
Support? More like suffocation, if you ask me. I can already feel the walls closing in at the mere thought of sharing my sacred postpartum space with Anna.
I turn to Jake, pleading silently for him to come to my rescue.
«Babe,» I whisper, «you’ve gotta help me out here. I can’t handle having your mom breathing down my neck while I’m trying to breastfeed or change diapers.»
Jake sighs, running a hand through his hair in frustration. «I know, Lisa, I know,» he mutters. «But you know how Mom gets. She’s like a bulldozer once she’s made up her mind about something.»
Great, just great. So now I’m stuck between a rock and Anna’s hard-headedness. But I refuse to go down without a fight. «Jake,» I say, mustering up all the courage I have left in me, «I love your mom, I really do. But this is non-negotiable. I need my space after giving birth, plain and simple.»
Anna looks like I just slapped her across the face with a fish.
«But, Lisa,» she protests, «I’m only trying to help. What if something goes wrong? What if you need assistance in the middle of the night?»
I roll my eyes, resisting the urge to tell her that I’d rather give birth in a haunted house than have her lurking around my bedroom. «We’ll call you if we need anything, Anna,» I assure her, plastering on another fake smile. «But for now, I think it’s best if we stick to our Anna plan.»
Jake steps in, playing the peacemaker as always. «Mom, why don’t you give us some time to settle into our new routine?» he suggests, shooting me a grateful glance. «I promise we’ll keep you updated on everything.»
Things turn out alright when they end well, right?
Anna huffs, clearly not thrilled with the outcome. But she knows better than to push us any further. «Fine,» she says, her tone dripping with disappointment. «But don’t say I didn’t warn you if something goes awry.»
And with that, she storms out of the room, leaving me and Jake to breathe a sigh of relief. Crisis averted, at least for now. But I can’t shake the feeling that this won’t be the last we hear of Anna’s meddling ways. As if pregnancy hormones weren’t enough to deal with, now I’ve got a mother-in-law on a mission to drive me insane.