Navigating relationships with ex-partners, especially when children are involved, can be challenging. In today's story, things get even more complex as the woman grapples with her husband's ex, who believes they should provide financial assistance for her and her children.
"My husband has 2 kids from his previous marriage, and I have one of my own. We don't have any kids together. His ex-wife lives nearby with their kids, about 20 minutes away. At first, she showed some annoying behavior, but nothing too serious.
She's kind of entitled and judgmental, always making snarky comments about me working too much and comparing her past marriage with my relationship with my husband. One day, I had enough and told her she needed to move on from her past relationship with my husband. Surprisingly, my husband backed me up, and she stopped her behavior."
"Now, here's where things get complicated. She's been unemployed for the past 15 years and relies on her kids to get more time and money from my husband. Lately, she's been using her health issues to get sympathy from my husband, asking him to accompany her to doctor appointments and giving excuses not to drive herself. She even wants to tag along whenever we take the kids out, despite having a boyfriend and family nearby.
Recently, she suggested to my husband that she's not well enough to take care of her kids. Currently, they have shared custody, and the kids stay with us every other weekend and during school vacations."
"She proposed that I sell my house, which I bought before meeting my husband, and build her a tiny house on the land close to us. I was shocked by her suggestion. When I offered to have the kids live with us, she declined, saying she prefers to stay close to them and doesn't trust us to raise them properly. She even claimed that my husband made vows to her before me. I feel disrespected and frustrated.
Some of my in-laws say I'm being selfish and that I don't need such a big house anyway. My husband hasn't expressed his opinion either way, which is annoying. I want to stand my ground, but I'm starting to feel guilty because she's sick."
"But I've decided to stand my ground. I talked to my husband and made it clear that there's no way I'm selling my house. I explained that my house is an investment for my child's future. He agreed and admitted he felt bad for entertaining the idea but was pressured by his ex because of her health condition.
He called her and told her he wouldn't be used as a placeholder for her boyfriend anymore and that she needed to stop manipulating everyone. She started crying and said she was sick and needed to go to the emergency room. She hung up and blocked both of us. I sent her an email outlining the boundaries. I'm furious right now."
Many people showed their support for the author.
- If she isn't well enough to care for the children, custody needs to be transferred to your husband. Any other suggestion means she's lying to manipulate him, or she's so spiteful she'd rather be neglectful to the children than let him "win." I'm guessing the real reason is that she doesn't want to start paying child support to your husband and lose whatever he's currently paying her.
You have a husband problem. The idea that you should sell your house and use the money to build a new one for her has my jaw on the floor. What? Why would you do that?
Your in-laws need to shut their traps about your property. If they want, they can build her a house on their land. Otherwise, they can keep their grubby fingers out of your wallet. If your husband doesn't put a stop to this nonsense, you will have to decide if staying with him is worth the aggravation and disrespect. MeanestGoose / Reddit - I get the husband not wanting to abandon the ex-wife, but if he's anything like me, then he needs to realize that the ex-wife's life isn't his responsibility and the consequences of her actions and behavior are her own to deal with. If he stops helping her, she will get worse, she might find herself in some financial trouble, and it won't be fun for anyone, but it's time to move on and let her fix her own life. Most people eventually get better when others stop enabling them. Killarkittens / Reddit
- This is extremely weird. Your husband needs to be 100% on your side. He needs to shut this down now. Not you, him. Otherwise, he's in on it, and you need to look at this as you vs everyone else problem.
It's okay not wanting to help your husband's ex. Any family member who calls you selfish can step up and take care of her. cthulularoo / Reddit - The ex almost sounds like the mother-in-law. The divorce voided the vows he made to her. He is ignoring the fact that he made vows to you. Do not sell your house. Make sure your financials are separate, or you may find that you are supporting her.
Tell anyone who calls you selfish to step up to the plate. She is not your responsibility but apparently, the divorce did not severe hubby's feelings for her. content_great_gramma / Reddit
Another woman found herself in a tough spot when her 18-year-old stepdaughter became pregnant but didn't want to take on the responsibility of raising the baby herself. Instead, she expected her mom to handle all the parenting duties. Making matters worse, the woman's husband supported this decision.