Being a young parent comes with additional challenges that not everyone can deal with. A mom turned to Reddit, asking if she was in the wrong after she told her teenage daughter that she wouldn't help her raise the baby she was expecting.
A mother shared her dilemma.
My 19-year-old daughter, Rose, was always a smart girl. She did well in school and got a full ride to a great local one. She’s been living with me and doing well with her studies.
She got this new boyfriend a few months ago who I don’t like. He constantly lets her down but covers it up with a big smile and grand promises. Despite my warnings, they’re still dating, and now she’s pregnant. I offered to pay for the abortion and take a few days off work to take her and help her recover.
She said no. She’s going to marry her boyfriend, and they’ll be one big happy family. He wants to move into my house, and she’ll drop out of school while he works to support them. He’s a bartender who doesn’t go to college. I laughed at this idea, which made her mad.
She told me that since he can’t move in I’ll need to step up and help with the baby more. Y’all, she has always been a very sensible child, I don’t know where this all has come from. I flat out told her that if she thinks she’s grown enough to have and raise a child and get married then she needs to move out soon and manage being an adult with the child’s father.
I raised the one child I wanted. I do not want any more children living in my home. I told her I’d pay for diapers here and there, and I’d still visit her, but this baby is 0% my responsibility. If she chooses adoption, which I’m pretty sure she won't, I’d be willing to help her navigate that.
She won’t talk to me. My husband (her stepdad) is staying out of this but thinks I could help more. I told him he’s welcome to go over and babysit for her and that shut him up.
I had my daughter when I was 19. I was married to her father who was in the military. I still graduated from college on time at the age of 22 and everything worked out well for us until he died in service. I believe the fact that it worked out okay for me is clouding my daughter’s judgment. Her boyfriend can’t even offer her or her child health insurance. It's a completely different scenario.
So many of you are suggesting I still let her live with me and keep the baby. This is not happening!! I do not want a baby in my home, period — and I’m not babysitting either. I’ll do normal grandparent stuff like show up to birthday parties and buy gifts here and there, but that’s it.
The poster gave some more info in the comments.
- "She’s not allowed to stay with me, even if she pays rent. I do not want the responsibility and inconvenience of having a baby in my home, period. And I’m not willing to babysit either. I have a career and a life." Commercial_Ebb9099 / Reddit
- "In the post, I said if she has this baby, she has to move out. There is no negotiation on this. She’s not living with me, and I’m not babysitting. It’s not my responsibility. I had my daughter when I was 19 and my husband and I managed and did well with zero help from any grandparents." Commercial_Ebb9099 / Reddit
- "The difference is I was already married, and we thought over the logistics and mutually decided to have a child because we were in the position to do so. We owned a home, had health insurance, had access to daycare, and had the money to do so.
My daughter has a boyfriend, not a husband. He does not have and cannot provide health insurance to her or her child. They do not have a home to provide for the child. They cannot afford daycare. They can’t afford much of anything, actually. So it’s completely different." Commercial_Ebb9099 / Reddit
Netizens took the mom's side and even offered some advice.
- "Let her know how much car insurance is going to be if she’s not under your policy. That number alone was enough to make my son stay in our home and save up his money before he moved out." Ok-Fishing-6604 / Reddit
- "I have a friend who was in the same situation with her daughter about 16 years ago. They let her stay but told her it was the one and only time and set all sorts of parameters. Now, 16 years later, that same daughter and her (now) 5 kids still live with them.
They have put them out several times to try and make it on their own, but it breaks their hearts to see the kids not be clean or be fed right. The kids always beg to come back. It is an awful situation." TroubleSG / Reddit - "It’s hard not to feel bad for her, but it’s easy to say, 'You’re on your own now.' She has to live with her own decisions and if he’s already letting her down, she’s setting herself up for a lot of unnecessary drama that won't get better by having a baby. Time to adult." roxywalker / Reddit
- "If she’s doing grown-up things and making grown-up decisions, she needs to learn how to adult. She wants live-in childcare and complete financial support from you for her child AND HUSBAND. They want a free ride with no responsibility to themselves or their child. They’ll never move out if you allow this." Prize-Bumblebee-2192 / Reddit
- "You provided a home to raise your child in; it was never offered that you would raise grandchildren as well as a result of your child's poor decision-making. It's her responsibility to navigate this and make decisions compatible with her ability to support herself." CarpeCyprinidae / Reddit
- "You didn't consent to be part of her 'big happy family.' I hope she comes to her senses and figures out a way to stay in school. College dropout teen mom and bartender aren't a combo with a high chance of financial stability in the future." cassowary32 / Reddit