Life has been overwhelmingly busy lately. Four months ago, I gave birth to a beautiful boy, Dylan, who joined his three siblings, all under eight. As you can imagine, managing a newborn, along with three other young children is exhausting but fulfilling in a way that’s hard to describe.
Becoming a mother has been the most significant role of my life. While pregnant with our first child, Tray, my husband George and I discussed whether I should return to work. We initially agreed that I would stay home for a year before resuming my career. However, when the time came, I realized I wanted to be a full-time mom.
This feeling of profound responsibility towards our children grew stronger with the arrival of each new family member. First Tray, then our daughter Lily, followed by Justin, and finally Dylan. Each addition reinforced my decision to focus on raising them.
However, things at home began to alter after Dylan was born. My mother-in-law began turning up at our house unexpectedly. She was not coming to help with the children or the house.
She’d say hello before disappearing into the kitchen to help herself to anything she found, leaving soiled dishes behind. This happened multiple times, and each time tested my patience.
The situation escalated one morning after a particularly trying doctor’s visit with Dylan, who had just received his vaccinations. He was fussy, and I was running on little sleep.
All I craved was a soothing cup of coffee when we returned home. As I settled Dylan in his crib and finally headed to the kitchen, I heard the front door open and the familiar cheer, “Hi, dear! Just came to check on all of you!”
Masking my irritation, I smiled and nodded, asking if her brothers wanted to watch too. Once she scampered off, I turned back to face my mother-in-law, who, sensing the tension, quickly left.
When George came home, I told him about the ongoing issues and asked him to speak with his mother. He acknowledged that she had overstepped boundaries but failed to address it with her. That weekend, the unresolved tensions came to a head.
After a night of little sleep, exhausted by the never-ending responsibilities of motherhood, I managed to muster enough energy to bake homemade pizzas with the children.
They were ecstatic about the activity, eager to consume their masterpieces for dinner. I put Dylan down for a nap just as dinnertime neared, expecting for a quiet end to the day.
To my dismay, when I returned to the kitchen, I found the pizzas gone. George and his mother were in the lounge, nonchalantly enjoying the last slices.
My exhaustion turned to anger, and I confronted them loudly, asking why they had eaten the children’s dinner. Their shocked faces only increased my frustration. George tried to calm me, but it was too late; I was too upset to listen.
I retreated to our bedroom, slammed the door, and broke down. Why was I the only one trying? Why couldn’t they see how hard I was struggling? Lily’s soft knock on the door pulled me from my despair. “Mommy, where is our pizza?” she asked innocently.
That moment crystallized my resolve. I had to stand up for my children and myself. After reassuring Lily, I confronted George and my mother-in-law again. They attempted to justify their actions by implying concern about my weight. That was the last straw.
“Get out, both of you,” I said calmly, my voice firm. They left, and George spent the night at his mother’s house. The relief I felt after they left was palpable.
I ordered pizza for the kids and myself, and as we ate, I made my decision. The next morning, I asked my sister to watch the kids while I filed for divorce. I placed the divorce papers in an empty pizza box on the coffee table for George to discover.
After I informed my parents about the issue, they gave unequivocal support. Staying with them helped me to focus on my recovery and future plans. Within a short time, I regained my strength and was ready to tackle anything came my way.
Now I’m proud to have spoken up for what’s best for myself and my children. I’ve shown them what strength looks like and taught them the value of self-respect and making difficult decisions to improve one’s future.
If I hadn’t come to this revelation, my children would have grown up believing it was OK not to receive support, care, or genuine love from those who claimed to love you. Now they understand their worth, and I will make certain they never forget it.
Lanie and I had a similar scenario, but at least my husband didn’t insist on washing the dishes without leaving me anything to eat after tending to our newborn.
Five weeks after Lanie became a first-time mother, her mother-in-law flipped her life upside down. MIL became a permanent presence in their home, and things quickly fell apart because she wasn’t there to help Lanie and her husband adjust to their new responsibilities.