Recently, one of our readers, Kate, shared her concerns about money with her husband. She was shocked by his reaction to her suggestion about their family budget. Now, she regrets bringing it up because of his anxiety and anger. However, she’s tired of paying for everything herself and just wants things to be fair.
Kate thinks the way money is handled in her family isn’t fair.
Kate, who is 40 years old, wrote us a heartfelt letter about her tough situation with her husband. She feels trapped and doesn’t want to hurt anyone, but things have become unbearable since she brought up a sensitive topic with her husband.
In her letter, she explains, “I’m 40, and my husband John is 41. We’ve been married for 2 years. Our family life is really tense right now. I earn twice as much as John does, even though he earns a decent amount, more than average. I like to save money and enjoy nice things, but I still manage to set aside money for emergencies, holidays, vet bills for our cats, and any big expenses that come up. I also save for things like dental work or home renovations, and I even invest some money.”
John approaches money differently.
She continues, “On the other hand, my husband seems to spend money quickly. He often asks to borrow money. We have separate budgets, like my family always did. I don’t mind who pays for groceries, and John takes care of cooking, cleaning, and most household chores. But recently, I suggested we split the bills since they’ve increased since he moved in. Now, I can’t save as much as I used to.”
Kate admits, “I expected a normal response to this suggestion. I never imagined John would be so upset about something that works for most modern families. His reaction really surprised me.”
Kate talked about how John handles money and how it makes her feel.
Kate continued her story, explaining, “John got really upset when I suggested sharing bills. He took it personally and seemed hurt and frustrated. He gets upset every time I bring it up again, and I think it’s more about his spending habits than how much he earns. Here’s an example: We have separate budgets, so we pay for our own trips separately. But when I come back from vacation with money left, he comes back with nothing. So, I end up paying for everything for our household, and John doesn’t seem bothered by it.”
Kate shared, “This situation makes me really sad, and I think it’s unfair. I can’t be with someone who expects me to cover our expenses while avoiding uncomfortable discussions.”
Kate is trying her best, but it’s not making a difference.
The woman said, “I keep telling him to take a money class (I have three good ones saved, won’t cost him a thing). But John just gets mad and ignores me, saying he’s a grown-up and doesn’t need my help. I did get him to pay for life insurance (he has a risky hobby), but he won’t listen about improving his money habits. Lately, he’s talked about us breaking up or getting a divorce. This problem is tearing our family apart.”
Kate asked, “Am I wrong? Should I leave him alone? He says I don’t understand because I earn more, but I know families with kids who live on much less, and we don’t have children. What should I do?”
Money can be a major source of concern for families. Discussing budget issues before getting married is crucial. It helps ensure that both partners are on the same page financially and can prevent conflicts later on. Talking openly about money management, expenses, savings goals, and financial responsibilities can lead to a stronger and more harmonious relationship.