Betrayal is one of the most devastating feelings, but it takes on an even more horrible dimension when it comes from a close family member. Josie felt utterly crushed when her son lied to her. The devoted mother decided to give her house to her son and his young wife so they could comfortably start a family, but things took a turn that Josie wouldn’t have expected in a million years. She wrote to us to share her story and ask for advice.
Here is Josie’s letter.
Dear Josie, thank you for sharing your story with us. We have some tips that we hope can be helpful to you.
Seek mediation or counseling.
Arrange a family meeting with a professional mediator or counselor. Explain to your son and daughter-in-law how hurt and betrayed you feel by their deception.
The mediator can help facilitate a constructive conversation about your feelings, expectations, and the current living arrangement. This neutral ground can lead to a compromise that acknowledges your sacrifice and addresses your concerns about the mother-in-law moving in.
Renegotiate living arrangements.
Negotiate and propose an alternative solution where everyone’s needs are considered. For example, suggest that your son and daughter-in-law find a smaller home for themselves and the mother-in-law, while you reclaim your house.
You can offer to help them financially if necessary, ensuring they understand that your offer to give them the house was based on the expectation of starting their own family, not accommodating another adult.
Legal consultation.
Consult with a lawyer to understand your rights regarding the house. If the house is still legally yours, you might consider revoking your gift. This doesn’t mean you will necessarily take the house back immediately, but knowing your legal standing can help you make informed decisions and might encourage your son and daughter-in-law to honor the original agreement.
Independent living solutions.
Explore independent living arrangements for yourself that are more comfortable and fulfilling than living with your sister. This could involve selling the house and using the proceeds to purchase a smaller home or condo for yourself, where you can live independently without feeling betrayed.
Discuss this with your family as a final decision, making it clear that the current arrangement is causing you distress and needs to change for your well-being.
Here is another situation involving living arrangements and in-laws. Clara is being pressured by her husband to accept his mother moving in with them, and the young woman is feeling distressed. Here is her full story.