Having a second kid, twenty years after the birth of my first, was supposed to be a life-altering experience. But that’s when our arguments started—my son revealed he was also expecting!
His expectant partner threw fits and made demands that I wouldn’t meet!
I believe I was the best dad I could have been to my son Kyle, who was born when I was twenty and still a child.
It was meant to be a happy year filled with events. First, I decided to have a second child at the age of 42, 22 years after ushering Kyle into the world! I was astounded at the second happy thing that occurred!
When I was four months along, Kyle, who was in his last year of college, told me that his girlfriend was pregnant! I had no idea that I would become a mother before the year was out, and then a grandma not too long after!
To be honest, I wasn’t overly excited about my kid being a parent at an early age, just like I wasn’t. Raising a child when you’re still essentially a single person is difficult, based on my personal experiences as a single parent.
However, I held my tongue because Kyle appeared genuinely excited.
“Kyle, it is incredible! It’s unbelievable that you will become a father.” I cried out and gave him a hug. “Mom, thank you! “Oh, you’re going to be a first-time grandmother,” he answered, putting his arms back over her.
“Our children are going to be born a few months apart!” As we continued our discussion, I came to understand this.
I accepted my new role even though it initially shocked me. I began providing them with a great deal of financial and emotional support. I believed that although our lives were already entwined, they were going to become even more so.
I recently gave birth to a beautiful baby daughter, which is when the stress started. Some of the people that came to see me in the hospital were Kyle and Sarah, his girlfriend. “Well done! You are now the parent of two beautiful kids!” Kyle stated, “His girlfriend gave me flowers, and he tied down balloons.”
“Oh my! I appreciate you everyone coming through. The balloons and flowers are quite pretty.” They were in luck because the nurse wheeled in my baby girl so I could feed her at that very moment. Grasping her little fist, my son said, “What’s my baby sister’s name?”
“I named her Clara,” I informed them with pride. I felt the name would start a new chapter for our expanding family and it had personal meaning for me. However, Kyle’s girlfriend had other plans!
Upon learning her name, my son’s girlfriend let out an intense cry! I swear, I believed I had lost my hearing! Terrified by the sudden noise, my newborn girl let forth a cry of her own!
I tried to console her while holding my little bundle near to me.
Instead of being a joyful event, their trip to the hospital descended into anarchy! The nurse hurried back in, worried about little Clara. Sarah had cried out so loudly I thought she might break through the hospital windows!
Right away, they made the ridiculous demand that I change Clara’s name. “The point is, this name…” Red with annoyance, Kyle attempted to countermand. The nurse inquired, sensing that a major drama was about to occur:
“Can I have Clara back?” When things are quieter later, I’ll bring her in once more.
I kept my ground and said “NO,” the weight of my decision clear even though my newborn was sheltered from the spectacle that was taking place. As Sarah opened her mouth to speak, Kyle seized her arm.
They left a trail of confused nurses and an extremely exhausted new mother behind as they rushed out of the hospital.
Weeks passed, and the problem appeared to be resolved. However, Kyle and Sarah declared that Paxtyn was the new name they had decided on for their kid. We had a heated family meal when the name just fell flat between us. My inadvertent grimace ignited a firestorm.
“It’s your fault!” Sarah charged, bitterness piercing her voice. “You stole the only name I liked, and now you ruin this one too!”
“Would you kindly quit yelling?” I begged her, saying, “My baby is trying to sleep in the other room.”
Caught in the middle, Kyle attempted to patch things up. “Mom, will you please think it over? Just to maintain calm?” His eyes begged for a concession.
However, it didn’t feel right to change my daughter’s name in order to please them. “I find it unbelievable that you would ask me to rename my child,” I said to him, realizing how ridiculous the whole thing was. “Firstly, my baby came before your child.”
“Secondly, you guys NEVER mentioned wanting to name your child that.”
Let me tell you, we were unable to come to an agreement, thus that supper abruptly ended.
Over the next few days, their threats became more serious. Kyle told her over the phone, “You have two months to fix this.”
It appeared as though he was suggesting that I ought to have given my daughter a different name by the time their child was born. Sarah took the phone in her hands. She replied, “We’ll call your granddaughter Paxtyn and I’ll enjoy it when I tell my friends her ridiculous name!”
This young woman’s nerve struck me as unbelievable! She was claiming that her hatred of ME outweighed her love for HER daughter. “You’re willing to have her ridiculed for the rest of her life to punish ME?” I questioned in disbelief.
I asked my kid if he liked the name Paxtyn, and he hung up when he snatched the phone back!
I texted Sarah out of frustration, maybe foolishly attempting to make amends. “I’ve been thinking about it, and I kind of like the name Paxtyn,” I claimed.
She responded with a poisonous speed. “To hell with you!”
That text message put an end to our conversation and my financial assistance to them. I had to draw a hard line, but it was important for my dignity and sanity. I was not going to be blackmailed over a name, especially one that held such personal significance for me.
I cuddled up to Clara in the silence that followed. Her eyes are wide and naive, unable to fathom the sophisticated adult world that surrounds her. I muttered vows to maintain her world as happy and pure as I could, promises of love and protection.
In regards to Kyle and Sarah, our separation widened. The name Paxtyn, which serves as a continual reminder of the rift, was retained. And yet, in spite of the pain, I have hope. I think that time is a healer and a teacher in equal measure.
They might come to realize why I had to maintain my ground eventually. For now, I let the storm of that year slowly fade from my memory and concentrate on Clara, my unexpected blessing.
Things didn’t work out well between Kyle’s mother and her kid, even though she had to set some boundaries and put her foot down.