Sharing a life with someone who needs extra support can be a balancing act. Sometimes it feels like their needs drown out your own. That’s exactly where our reader found herself. Her sister, confined to a wheelchair, lives at home with their parents, and their dynamic has always been skewed towards her sister’s needs. Lately, it felt like her own life was being put on hold.
Our reader reached out to us
Thank you for reaching out to us! We understand how complicated this situation is. Here are some tips that might help you decide how to proceed.
Talk to your sister directly
Sometimes parents might misinterpret situations. Maybe your sister is genuinely happy about your achievements but just doesn’t know how to express it. Try a casual chat, one-on-one, and ask her how she feels about your wins. You could even say, “Mom and Dad seemed worried you might be upset about my promotion. Are you okay?” Open communication can clear the air and show your sister you value her feelings.
Celebrate independently
Don’t wait for a family celebration that might not happen. Getting that promotion is awesome! Treat yourself to a nice dinner with friends, or have a celebratory video call with your best bud. Think of these people as your “support team” — the ones who will genuinely get excited for you, big or small wins. Surround yourself with positive energy that reflects your happiness.
Setting boundaries
Boundaries are about creating healthy space. You can tell your parents something like, “I know you’re worried about her, but I also need to be able to share my good news. How about we celebrate both of us and have a small get-together for my promotion?” This shows you care for everyone while setting a clear expectation for how you want things handled.
Look for someone else
It’s okay if your current family dynamic isn’t ideal for emotional support. Look for people who genuinely celebrate your wins and uplift you. These could be friends, colleagues, or even a therapist. Building a strong chosen family gives you support that complements your biological one. You might not get the validation you crave from your parents right now, but you can find it elsewhere.
Not all heroes wear capes. Sometimes, they wear swimsuits and show up just in time. This was exactly the case for one of our readers. Exhausted from a long day at work, she pulled into the driveway, looking forward to a relaxing evening with her 3-year-old. Instead, her blood ran cold at the sight that greeted her — her daughter was alone in the swimming pool.