We all need to stand up for ourselves sometimes, whether it’s with classmates, co-workers, or family. Some people master the art of self-defense in the smoothest ways, using witty comebacks or smart actions, just like the brilliant stories we have in this article.
- During a family vacation, my grandmother was giving me grief for not remembering her birthday (I’ve never been good with birthdays) after telling me it was the password to her iPhone. She wanted me to take a picture with it, which is why I needed the password.
While she was distracted, I took her phone, opened up the settings, changed her password to my birthdate, and then set her phone down. Cue 15 minutes later, she’s trying to get into her phone, and it’s not working. Suspecting mischief, she grumpily asks me if I’ve changed the password to her phone in front of our entire family. I admit that I did.
“Well, what is it?” she asked impatiently. “It’s my birthdate.”
She sat there in stunned silence for about 15 seconds, unable to remember my birthday, before our family exploded with laughter. It was a good time. © Seeker7fold / Reddit
- In high school, I had to stay in detention after class. The school director came to see me during the day to remind me of it in front of the class.
Director: “Remember detention after class.”
Me: “Yeah, sure.”
A fellow classmate yells at me: “Haha, loser!”
Director to me: “See? Not cool, huh?”
Me to the director: “He wasn’t talking to me.” © 24HrsGlam*** / Reddit
- I was sitting in my car in a Walmart parking lot when some guy backed into my parked car and then began to speed off. My car wasn’t on, so I got out and ran after his car at full speed as he sped away, memorizing his license plate. I called the police, and his insurance took care of my damaged car. I feel like most people would not have done what I did. © zaryaguy / Reddit
- During an argument, an old co-worker once told me, “The only word I can think of to describe you is ’pathetic.’” I replied, “How is it my fault you have an inferior vocabulary?” © WizardofFlaws / Reddit
- I had a teacher who hated everyone, but especially picked on me. I made the whole class make life difficult for her, and she ended up being fired about 3 or 4 years before she would have retired. © DerUebamensch / Reddit
- I took a bite out of this kid’s PB&J sandwich and then threw it back into his bowl after he made fun of my Indian food, which my mom worked hard to prepare. © somkkeshav555 / Reddit
- My daughter, who is in fourth grade, had a desk partner who talked all day about how rich she was, how much money she had saved up, and how she was richer than my daughter. So my daughter replied, “It’s good; with a face like yours, at least someone might marry you for your money.” © kloslat / Reddit
- My coworker saw a former coworker, who had been fired, at a party with mutual friends. They never particularly liked each other.
Fired coworker: “Hey man, last time I saw you, you didn’t have that pretentious haircut.”
Current coworker: “And last time I saw you, you were employed!” © hellkitten / Reddit
- One summer, I was sitting in a café, enjoying coffee after a delicious dinner. A pregnant woman suddenly came to me and asked if I had eaten. In a rude tone, she insisted that I leave and quickly clear the table for her. I politely refused, but she started to shout to the whole café that I had already eaten and should leave. I smiled and calmly said one word: “No.”
She stood there for another minute or two, muttering something, but I ignored her and started playing a game on my phone. Eventually, she left. I noticed the other customers at nearby tables giving me approving looks.
- I overheard at work that a woman was giving one of the guys a hard time about something. She commented on his clothing, and he snapped at her, “Your bank account has never had a comma in it!” © goblinmarketeer / Reddit
- I was at work and took off my glasses to clean them when a female coworker said to me, “Eww, put your glasses back on; you look better that way,” jokingly.
So I responded, “But if I leave my glasses off, you look better that way.” I got a couple of high-fives for that. © Unknown author / Reddit
- I was arguing with a girl in my second-semester math analysis class last year. She mentioned how I had had the same second block with her during the first semester and immediately accused me of “stalking.” I retorted, “I’m sorry you weren’t smart enough to pass this class the first time around.” © Unknown author / Reddit
One of the most surprising things we can hear often comes from the mouths of kids. With their vivid imaginations and lack of filter, children can say jaw-dropping things that might embarrass or even mortify their parents. This article showcases some great examples of such moments.