You might have seen this before, but it’s still funny!
“The Middle Wife” by an anonymous second-grade teacher.
I’ve been a teacher for about fifteen years, and I have two kids of my own. But the best birth story I’ve ever heard happened right in my own second-grade classroom a few years ago.
As a child, I loved show-and-tell, so I make sure to include it in my classroom activities.
Show-and-tell helps kids feel less shy, and usually, it’s pretty simple. They bring things like pet turtles, model airplanes, or pictures of fish they caught.
I never set any rules about what they can bring. If they want to bring something and talk about it, they can.
One day, a bright and confident little girl named Erica took her turn. She walked up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater and held up a picture of a baby.
“This is Luke, my baby brother, and I’m going to tell you about his birthday,” Erica said.
“First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love. Then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke started growing there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.”
She stood there with her hands on the pillow, and I was trying not to laugh, wishing I had my camera. The other kids watched her, completely amazed.
“Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom started going, ‘Oh, oh, oh, oh!’” Erica put her hand on her back and groaned. “She walked around the house for like an hour, saying, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’” (Now she’s doing a funny little duck walk while groaning.)
“My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on her car like the Domino’s man. They helped my Mom lie down in bed like this.” (Erica lays back against the wall to show what happened.)
“And then—POP! My Mom had this bag of water inside her in case Luke got thirsty, and it just exploded all over the bed—like psshhheew!” (She spread her legs and used her hands to show water flowing away. It was hilarious!)
“Then the middle wife kept saying, ‘Push, push!’ and ‘Breathe, breathe!’ They started counting, but they never even got past ten!”
“Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother!” Erica continued. “He was covered in yucky stuff, and they said it was from Mom’s play-center. So I guess there must be a lot of toys in there!”
“When he got out, the middle wife spanked him—for crawling up in there in the first place!”
Then Erica stood up, took a big, dramatic bow, and went back to her seat. I’m pretty sure I clapped the loudest.
Ever since that day, whenever it’s Show-and-Tell, I always bring my camcorder—just in case another ‘Middle Wife’ story comes along!