I (24F) recently attended my MIL’s birthday party. I spent 6 hours making her cake.
There were about 25 guests, and after everyone had lunch, I did all the dishes.
To my shock, my FIL suddenly took a photo of me and sent it… to the entire family group chat with the caption:
“Now this is what a perfect daughter-in-law looks like.”
At first, I thought it was a compliment, but as more messages poured in from extended relatives praising me for being “obedient” and “well-trained,”
I felt uneasy. It sounded less like appreciation and more like
I was being shown off as an example of what other women “should” do.
When I got home, I gently explained to my husband how uncomfortable I felt. I didn’t help because
I was expected to—I did it out of respect and love for his mother.
I didn’t want to be used to measure others or set unrealistic expectations.
My husband understood and spoke with his father, clarifying that I helped voluntarily and shouldn’t be put on display or compared to others.
A few days later, my MIL called me, not to scold me, but to thank me sincerely for the effort
I had put into her cake and for helping so much at the party. She also apologized for the group chat situation and said she would make sure
I was never pressured into household tasks just because I was “the daughter-in-law.” She added,
“Next time, you’re sitting with me and enjoying the food—you’ve already shown your love.”
Since then, I’ve continued helping when I want to, not because it’s assumed I will.
And now, when we attend family gatherings, I feel seen not as someone fulfilling a role
, but as someone valued for who I truly am—not just for what I do.