Narcissists seem to always know the perfect time to sniff around and make themselves known to you.
You know why? It’s always because they want something. Otherwise? They don’t care at all.
I’ve got 10 things narcissists do when they only use you for your benefit. They put you on a pedestal, make you feel like the only person on the planet, then they drop you like a fly.
Those 10 things may reveal as much about you as it does the narcissist, so let’s get into it.
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1. They mirror you
When a narcissist wants to get on good terms with their victim, they will do whatever it takes.
Usually, that looks like mirroring, because there’s no better way to develop a bond and level of understanding.
They will finish your sentences for you, nodding in agreement to the things you’ve been through.
They will agree with whatever you say and tell you they know exactly how you feel. If you tell them your loves, fears, or thoughts, they will tell you they are exactly the same.
And don’t even get me started with the physical side.
A flick of your hair here, or a scratch of your nose will all be mirrored because this is psychologically how a person feels they have a good rapport with whom they’re speaking with.
And so the mirroring becomes a way for them to connect strongly with you, and boy, does it work. As soon as that connection is established, the usage will commence.
2. They watch for your weaknesses
The reason a narcissist listens and looks so intently when you first meet them isn’t because they are genuinely hooked on you and interested in what you have to say.
It’s because they’re watching for signs. They want to know what makes you tick, what makes you scared, what pleases you, what frustrates you, what your triggers are.
See also How to Piss Off a Narcissist in 12 Surprisingly Easy Ways?
And everything you overshare will be used against you. The narcissist is wide-eyed because they’re taking mental notes, not because they’re falling in love with you.
And I know. They can seem pretty convincing.
But your past is a benefit to them when it comes to being able to control and manipulate you.
3. Your boundaries are tested early on
It makes perfect sense in the eyes of the narcissist to test your boundaries as early as possible.
There will be a need to know what they can get away with, what you will forgive them for, and how much they can push back when you try to assert yourself.
The more they’re able to do ,the less your boundaries will even exist.
Think about that for a moment, because over time those boundaries will be more and more eroded, and there will be nothing you can do about it.
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4. They hook you in with hope
Hope is what keeps us going a lot of the time when things aren’t working out in life.
We hope for change, and sometimes things turn around for the better, others, they don’t.
When you are involved with a relationship, your hope will be what drives you to stay. That hope will come from small breadcrumbs the narcissist throws your way.
A kiss here, a dance in the kitchen there. A promise here, a romantic meal out there. Maybe even an ‘I love you.’
If it keeps you hanging around, the benefit to the narcissist will be that they still have access to your emotions, and for them, that means a great deal of supply.
5. They’re only around when they need something
Doesn’t it just rile you? In fact, scrap that. You probably really enjoy them being around because you think it means they’re thinking of you in a compassionate and not selfish way.
See also How To Forgive Yourself For Being With The Narcissist?
They will probably even try to paint that picture, just so you give them what they want.
In truth, you’re a commodity. It’s like going out to milk a cow each morning because you want the milk, not because you want to see the cow and give it some pets.
You’re used by the narcissist, and as a result, you will only hear from them when it suits them, or when they want to extract information from you.
6. Then they disappear again
As if by magic, narcissists take, take, take, and leave you high and dry.
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Just when you thought you were connecting, or that they’d finally seen your worth, they up and leave again.
And it could be days, weeks, even months before you hear from them again.
That’s just the kind of people they are, and the sooner you realize that hard truth, the better you will be for it.
7. They use what and who you know
If you are the type of person who knows a lot of people, has a lot of connections and can introduce the narcissist to them, then you are worth your weight in gold.
That will appear to you as if you’re liked by the narcissist, but the reality is you are only being used because of those people you can offer them.
I know it’s a hard pill to swallow, but the truth is, it was never about you.
The same goes for your skills. If you can help them, they will be your best friend. The second they’ve got what they want, you will be dropped. There’s no ‘maybe’ about it.
See also THIS is What Happens The Day You Stop Believing The Narcissists Lies
8. They sabotage any independence
Any chance you get to do something by yourself, learn a new skill, go take up an opportunity that has your name all over it, or even cope with the day-to-day of bills, work and life, the narcissist will sabotage it.
You aren’t going to accept that job, are you? Think of all that stress.
I don’t think you should be in charge of the bills. You never were good at math.
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Suddenly, you’re made to feel and be small; as if you are unable to cope with what the world is offering you.
The benefit to them is that they can then be the ones in charge – just how they like it.
9. They love-bomb (a lot)
Love-bombing you will be a way for them to make you feel like you are actually loved, when in fact it’s all a ploy to get you to give them something they want to have for themselves.
It’s almost bribery at this point, right? The difference is, no actual bribe is being spoken of, it’s all emotions and gestures that you will take up because you want to feel loved by them.
Never mind the fact that they’re literally using you to get from A to B.
10. Your resources are their successes
If a narcissist is with you, they expect you to share everything you have with them, including resources.
Your car, your bank card, your house, your everything is all up for grabs for them, and they will take it all and more if you let them.
Being sweet and telling you that they love you will allow them instant access to what you have, and if they need it, all the better.