When you go on a first date, it’s easy to focus on chemistry and charm while missing the subtle traits that may become problems later. Most people are on their best behavior early on, which is why, as dating coach Susan Trombetti explains, the “real person” often appears around the three-month mark. That’s when habits surface—poor listening, lack of empathy, or emotional distance—and those small issues can quickly turn into dealbreakers. The key is deciding whether these traits are temporary or deeply ingrained.
Experts say poor communication and constant negativity are among the most unattractive qualities in a partner. Someone who scrolls their phone during conversation or always sees the worst in situations can drain a relationship fast. Lack of kindness is another major red flag, especially when it shows in how they treat others. As Trombetti notes, “No one wants to be with someone who is just plain nasty.”
Other turn-offs include selfishness, sarcasm, one-upping, lying, jealousy, flakiness, and lack of ambition. These traits erode trust, connection, and long-term compatibility. While some habits can change, experts agree: repeated red flags usually signal deeper issues that shouldn’t be ignored.