Setting clear boundaries is crucial in any relationship, especially romantic ones. Conflicts are bound to happen, and it can be challenging when your partner asks you to do something incredibly tough, such as removing a tattoo that holds great sentimental value for you.
But this is exactly the situation one woman found herself in.
I spent 3 years as a widow before crossing paths with my fiancé, Julius. The journey to this point had been challenging — losing my husband and 4-year-old son in a boating accident left an indelible mark on my life. In an attempt to honor their memory, I got a tattoo on my chest, simply their names in cursive accompanied by two hearts.
When Julius entered my life, I decided to open up about my past, the struggles with depression, and the years of dependency on my parents after the tragic loss. Surprisingly, Julius was remarkably understanding. Over a year into our relationship, he proposed, marking a new chapter.
Recently, Julius brought up something unexpected. As I was getting out of the shower, he broached the topic of removing my tattoo. Apparently, he knew someone who’s really good, and he could give us a discount. This caught me off guard, and I said that I had no plans for removal. During dinner, he brought it up again, emphasizing that we were on the brink of marriage, urging me to move on.
Julius argued that having their names on my chest made him uncomfortable and insecure about my feelings for him, especially during intimate moments. Since then, he’s been distant, giving me the cold shoulder. Conflicted, I confided in my mom, who surprisingly sided with Julius. Now, I’m left wondering if I’m in the wrong.
The comments section was totally on her side.
- “I had my ex-husband’s name tattooed on my ring finger. I had it covered because I thought it would make my boyfriend uncomfortable. He said I didn’t have to do that because he knows it’s over. You have a memorial tattoo for your husband and child. Does he have an issue with your kid’s name on there too?” TimeBomb** / Reddit
- “My best friend and her husband were both widows when they met. They also both have memorial tattoos for their late spouses. I have not witnessed anything from either of them that has ever led me to believe that their love for each other is less because they loved someone and lost them before meeting each other.” hungry_ghost** / Reddit
- “The most egregious part, to me, is him expecting you to remove both names. While being intimidated by a man who’s already passed on is troubling, expecting you to erase your son’s name for him is just horrendous. It doesn’t matter how short a time they’re in your arms or how long it’s been since, you never stop being a mom.” Jazmadoodle / Reddit
- Does your mom understand, or does she just not like tattoos? She sounds heartless, especially considering this is also about a grandson she lost.” Elizis / Reddit
- “Is he going to have a problem when an anniversary or birthday comes around, and you miss them? Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting, it’s accepting and moving on with life, which is exactly what you’ve done and are currently doing. If you haven’t, you wouldn’t be with him, especially considering marriage.” Valuable_Ad_742 / Reddit
- “I got married very young and lost my husband in an accident. I have 2 tattoos in his memory. Now, I’ve since been married for 10 years and have 2 children with my amazing husband. He has never had a problem with my tattoos to my first husband.
When we met, I still wore my ring and had some of his belongings. I’ve since gotten rid of everything, but my husband was so patient in letting me move on in my own time.” Ezybrezy_CleverGirl / Reddit